6 Ways To Form A Secure Attachment With Your Baby

Written by Yoga Mamas Psychotherapist, Jaime Robson

Are you looking to build a secure attachment with your baby? It's essential to know that building a secure attachment is not as complicated as it may seem, and you don't have to be a perfect parent to do it! In this blog, Yoga Mamas Psychotherapist, Jaime Robson will explore what secure attachment is, how it can benefit your child's development and practical ways to build it. 

Attachment Theory first surfaced in the 1960s and 70s by psychoanalyst John Bowlby. Rooted in safety and security, secure attachment enables the development of a deep emotional relationship between caregiver and child. The key word here is “enables”, as secure attachment develops over time through an exchange of reassurance and care.
 
A secure attachment—which leads to positive child outcomes—is not the same as the philosophy called attachment parenting. Babywearing, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping all have benefits—but none are required to build a baby’s secure attachment with their caregiver, nor are they predictive of a baby’s future mental health and development. 
 
A secure attachment promotes a sense of safety and security. It helps a child develop emotional regulation, supports autonomy, and encourages exploration. It helps them grow into kind, empathetic, and attuned humans.

Here are 6 practical ways to develop a secure attachment with your infant:

1. Start with yourself
Developing a mindfulness practice is one way to increase self-awareness and calmness, which you will inevitably bring into your interactions with your child. Mindfulness can take as little as 10 seconds; informal meditation is an accessible way to find mindfulness in your daily routine. 

Try this informal exercise next time you sip your morning coffee or tea: pay attention as you swallow, noticing the liquid move down your throat and through your body, finally resting in your stomach. Repeat slowly for one to two more sips. Turning a simple cup of coffee into such an intentional action may seem odd, but this is an excellent mindfulness practice. 
 
2. Observe and listen
You can be present with your child by observing their expressions and gestures and paying attention to their unique cues and cries. Your child’s needs will shift over time, and it may take some time to adapt, but being “with” the child helps build connection and understanding deeply and viscerally as you continue to learn more about one another.

3. Engage in nonverbal emotional contact
Eye contact, smiling, and soothing touch are gestures that caregivers are inclined to do naturally with love and ease. These gestures support the development of neural regions in the baby that influence emotional life.

4. Use a warm and affectionate tone of voice 
Talking to your baby is great for their development; using a calm and nurturing tone reinforces a safe and familiar environment for your baby. 
 
Try speaking this affirmation to your child daily: “You are safe. You are loved. 
You are enough.”

5. Invite playfulness into your interactions
Inviting pleasure and fun into your relationship with your child can look like laughter, dancing and play with your infant. Building a secure attachment should be intentional, and allowing yourself to express positive emotions and share the enjoyment with your child supports autonomy through action and expression.
 
6. Consistency 
Being physically and emotionally present is one of the best ways to build a secure attachment. Establishing consistent routines when children know what to expect and can rely on you for structure promotes greater autonomy and exploration.  
 
Allow yourself to find pleasure in the moments when the connection happens. If you’re concerned about bonding with your child, take solace in knowing that you aren’t in it alone, you have some help—from your little one. Regardless of their personality—whether they cry a lot or sleep very little, whether breastfed or bottle-fed—they will let you know what they need.
 
Building a secure attachment is good for you too! The process releases endorphins in your body that support whole-body wellness.