Navigating the Mental Load for Parents: A Compassionate Approach

By Kate Love, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)

The mental load of parenting often goes unseen, yet it’s one of the heaviest things parents carry. Recently, the U.S. Surgeon General acknowledged a crisis in parental well-being, calling attention to the mounting stress parents face. This stress is amplified by the invisible labor it takes to manage a household — often referred to as the "mental load."

For parents, every season seems to bring a fresh wave of tasks. From signing kids up for activities to managing new routines and navigating changing social dynamics, it can feel like the demands never let up. Many parents describe it as a constant stream of "to-dos" running through their minds.

Carrying this mental load can feel lonely. The people who benefit most from it — partners, children, and family members — may not always recognize it. And that can be a heavy burden to bear.

If you’re feeling the weight of the mental load, here are three ways to lighten it.

1️⃣ Share the Load
The first step is to bring the invisible into view. Have an honest conversation with your partner, family, or support circle about what’s on your mental list — and where they can step in. Without clear communication, those closest to us may not see the extent of our load or realize how much help is needed.

Sometimes, it means being willing to let go of control. If you’re used to thinking, “If I want it done right, I have to do it myself,” it can be hard to hand things over. But accepting help — even if it’s not done perfectly — can free you from the pressure of doing it all alone. If your budget allows, outsourcing certain tasks can also be a practical way to reduce the load.

2️⃣ Crystal Balls vs. Rubber Balls
In her book “Dropping the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less,” Tiffany Dufu introduces a powerful concept for managing the mental load. She invites readers to think of their tasks as two types of balls: crystal balls and rubber balls.

Crystal balls are the ones you can’t drop — they’re essential and fragile. This might be a doctor’s appointment, a work deadline, or ensuring your child has the right support at school.

Rubber balls, on the other hand, can be dropped — they’ll bounce back. Things like daily cleaning, elaborate meal prep, or constantly organizing playdates might fall into this category. Recognizing which balls are crystal and which are rubber can help you prioritize what truly matters. And for the balls that bounce? It’s okay to let them fall.

3️⃣ Break Free From Default Mode
Many of us have "default modes" — automatic responses we fall into without realizing it. Maybe it’s the tendency to say “I’ll just do it myself” or to turn down help even when it’s offered. These patterns often come from a well-meaning place, but they can keep us stuck in overdrive.

The key is noticing when you’re in this mode. Are you doing it because it’s easier, faster, or familiar? Are you driven by perfectionism or the belief that you should be able to manage it all? Default mode often tells us, “I can do it better” or “It’s just faster if I do it.” But over time, this approach can drain emotional and mental energy.

When you recognize that pattern, pause. Consider whether it’s possible to accept help, even if it means things aren’t done exactly your way. Small changes here can create space for rest, which every parent deserves.

A Final Thought
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to managing the mental load. But noticing when it feels especially heavy is the first step toward change. By naming the invisible labor, sharing it with others, and giving yourself permission to let go of certain tasks, you can find more balance in your day-to-day life.

If you’d like to explore more personalized support for mental health and emotional well-being, you can book a complimentary counselling appointment with Kate here.

You don’t have to carry it all. And you don’t have to carry it alone.